It began like any other day with a trip to the local shop, but with this day the world start spinning again and faster then it ever spun before. The sun was shining and the air seemed clean, for the love of god I could not remember what it was that I needed from the local store, but I shall never forget what I found. As I whistled my way through the day I noticed a young woman petting a dog that I had a random encounter with the day before, with a mind to warn her to mind her dog better since the day before I had pulled said dog off another just as it had broke free and before any real damage could be done. I asked "Is the dog your own?" To which I was answered with one of the warmest smiles I had ever seen before, nor in art or life. "It is not, I just know it from seeing it here a few times and always find it with a sombre look to it, he's obviously an old man and in need of attention or love." If those where her exact words I don't know but I do know it was her exact sentiment.
As I stood there with the warm sun on my back and the warmer smile in front of me we conversed about what ever came freely to the mind without any tendency to hide away from what was not to be said. I remember thinking to myself how comfortable I felt in her company and how genuine her worry and care for the dog was. As time for polite conversation winded down and it was time for two strangers to leave onwards to whatever life was waiting, I tried in vain to get some way of contacting her again. All I could remember was her name and a smile. Tineke with two n's to me, one to her. It was a name suited well to the innocence and honesty of her demeanour I thought. As I sit here and try to remember what exactly happened else that day Its painfully obvious to me that literally the only thing I remember is that chance encounter with what seemed to me one of the few people I had met who was just as is. Herself without any of the lies we share to make our personalities seem more bearable to each other. I however was not as pure in honesty for when Tineke asked me my age, I lied for fear of her thinking me some child with no experience of life to offer, I was 27 that day before my time. I instantly regretted it, but it was too late. The day moved on and as many things in life the warmth of that sun and her smile became nothing more then a sweet memory that reminded me of those dreams you wake from desperately trying to remember why you woke with such a huge smile and warmed heart. Life went on.
Life went on, Well for me that meant trying to figure out exactly what it was I was doing in this city, in this country . Too many miles to walk or swim home with an ocean and forever in between me and my home. Dublin,Ireland. I had been living in this city already close to seven years, five of which I had shared with a Dutch girl called Niki, we lived together in a small room with a shared kitchen and crazy neighbours. My days then were spent thinking about life and smoking lots of marijuana and trying to decide if my teenage years of theft and robberies were an indication of my future. I had no idea, I was honestly lost in a place of wanting to share a life with someone who would understand that life was just that, life and that the past did not have to be sign that it would always be a life of down's with the very slight upward curves of a life enjoyed. It felt like universes away from how I had spent my teenage years, yet they always felt like they were at my heels. Screaming to everyone I met in life to be careful of what I was capapable of and to watch their women and money. Niki and I were bound to fail from day one, I knew it, she knew it but we ignored the obvious to try and enjoy what time we had together, before the time grew to nothing but arguements and hatred for the things that first made it bareable to be together. I learned a lot about how to share a life and how to swallow things that made my chest tight and my heart heavy.
What sticks out more then anything was the warmth and stickiness of a room that just boiled in the summer. Fraying away at our tempers and our patience, lazy days spent silently contemplating if this was to be our existence. An overbearing mother who would never allow the youngest daughter to be with or do what she wanted. Yet it was the mother who in a weird way rescued me from that misery of sharing a life with a girl who knew nothing of honest emotion of genuine conversation. It ended with me attacking the soldier boy with no killer instinct but a grip like a vice who had fired up Niki's new lust for the police and armed forces rather then the criminal underground I had to offer. So it had started with a young girls lust for a darker existence that she threw herself into and ended with a young man's temper for distrust and lies. Its a sharp contrast to how I met this lady outside the shop. It was as warm as the summer days gone by yet fresher and more comfortable which almost seemed by design. A full stop had been reached in my existence in this country. A turning point reached, yet I had no idea of how deep a chance encounter with this soft spoken and warm smiling lady would effect who I thought or knew I was.
Yet a turning point had been reached, Days went by after I first met her and life was as usual, I was currently trying to fight for a house in the city I was living in due to a mishap or miscommunication on my part at the initial meeting with the housing corporation. So busy with worry and tired with wondering, I had let the brief encounter with the soft spoken lady slip my mind. One day while sitting behind the computer in my fathers house I noticed a young woman taking photo's of the burnt down building across the road, Its an old building so old in fact that they are not allowed do much with it even in its derelict and distraught state. It is a building I often look at myself since it looms over the land scape like a burnt down castle. So as I looked out without really looking all of a sudden I noticed it was the same woman I had met outside the shop. So I quickly open the window and said her name as well as I could remember, "Tinnekje" I said more as a statement then a hello. She turned and smiled, I could see recognition in her eyes and the same warmth.
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